Pregnancy Loss Review: Light at the end of the tunnel after darkness of my two miscarriages - Laura Collins

It is the most cruel tragedy that could face any parent - it’s simply not the order of the world. No parent should ever outlive their child. But what about if that little life was cruelly snubbed out before it ever even got the chance to get going in the first place?

No amount of life experience gives you the ability to cope with the heartache that comes with one minute knowing you’re pregnant - and then the next, you’re not.

Even in the terminology of the word miscarriage sets you up for failure. At a time when you feel at your most isolated - the first trimester - when you’re sworn to secrecy not to tell your family and friends the fact that you’re then classed as having a failed pregnancy does very little for the mindset.

But over the weekend the long-awaited Pregnancy Loss Review, an independent report on NHS miscarriage care and how it can be improved, has finally been published to look at how health professionals can support parents who have been through this heartbreak.

Initially, the report was meant to be completed in six months but owing to its sheer complexity and a global pandemic it has taken almost five years to complete. The changes, which total 73 different recommendations, mean women will no longer have to wait until after three miscarriages to receive medical help and pre-conception advice and will have access to mental health support.

And sadly, during the time it took to compile the findings approximately 1,270,000 babies have died, leaving millions of parents, siblings and extended family members heartbroken. Two of those babies belonged to me - they never had the chance to see their little lives blossom after I suffered two miscarriages before 12 weeks.

With every year that passes by and more and more major milestones should have been marked by our family: first birthday parties, first steps, first words. Last week was particularly tough as social media was flooded with pictures of our friends’ children enjoying their last day of nursery with bold ambitions for their first day of school in September. It should have been us and every post felt like a twist of the knife.

So it was with anticipation that I read the report to see what recommendations were being put forward to support people, just like me, who felt like they’d slipped through the net when it came to care after my miscarriages.

I’ll never forget the second time. I woke up with the most searing stomach cramps and as soon as I started to bleed I knew the writing was on the wall. In my panic I called my GP surgery to ask them what I should do. It was lockdown and it was the furthest I’d made it in terms of gestation. But nothing could prepare me for what I was told next over the phone. I was simply told I’d have to ride it out and test again in a week to see if I was still pregnant.

It was the longest week of my life but I already knew that my baby was gone. I was distraught so imagine how I felt a few weeks later when a pack landed on my doormat about my pregnancy journey and how a midwife would be in touch soon to check in with me. They did - and sadly I had to tell them on that phone call that there would be no need to speak to me after all.

A few months had passed before my GP surgery started to contact me about the flu vaccine. I just assumed it was related to a health condition. But how wrong I was. In fact I was still noted down on the system as being pregnant. So imagine my surprise when I then had to relay the fact that nearly six months on I was no longer pregnant - again. Another twist of the knife in a system that was clearly not joined up in its operation.

Thankfully the report addresses this by recommending there is clarity about whom to call and where to go when pain and bleeding occur at any stage of pregnancy, and what to expect during and after baby loss. It also issues guidance to staff on using electronic patient records systems to record pre-24-week baby loss to prevent patients from being notified of outstanding maternity appointments and scans in error.

It is only by recommendation 28 that the report acknowledges the importance of support for both parents. This is the most salient of all the points. My husband has been the most brilliant and supportive partner during this turbulent time but the support has been sadly lacking to help him through his own trauma.

Another recommendation is parents can have the opportunity to apply for an official certificate to recognise the little lives lost. I appreciate some will take great comfort in this - but to me a piece of paper that seems like a token gesture is another slap in the face with my failure there in black and white. There are far more fundamental issues around support and after care that need resolving.

A “Compassionate Clinical Care Kit” will be offered to women when a miscarriage is expected or likely to take place in a home or clinical setting including “a receptacle and a container” to store remains as well as ensuring health settings have cold storage facilities so people are not asked to store them in their own refrigerators.

How reassuring to know that women will be able to fish out the remains of their babies out of the toilet and no longer have to store them in their own fridges! In my view it completely beggars belief that it has taken five years to recommend some “compassion” around a degrading and brutal experience.

Sadly an estimated one in four pregnancies end in loss during pregnancy or birth. A figure we can’t shy away from. The report offers little comfort to those like me who have gone through this experience already but I can only hope that those dozens of recommendations do see the light of day to prevent anybody else from going through the darkness that we’ve been faced with.